Goa for kids: So what? Everyone's doing it...

 Alisha Fernandes, TNN | May 29, 2013, 01.17 AM IST

When children step outside their cozy and protected world of home, they often develop a sense of conflict on whether to adhere to deeply-instilled family values or succumb to the temptation of what their peers ask of them. In most cases, the idea that 'everyone's doing it' is enough to influence the child, say experts.

Sometimes to appear 'cool' and be accepted among peers, children tend to adopt habits like shoplifting, smoking and drinking, among other things.

The demand to match peer 'standards' can be stressful and confusing. In some cases, children are able to cope with the new challenges, while in others ill habits may falsely seem like a route to boost self-esteem.

Sixteen-year-old Sherel Almedia (name changed) recollects a visit to a superstore with friends as a young child when she was forced to shoplift to 'prove herself' to her peers. "I was 10 years old, my friend told me to steal a packet of biscuits when the shopkeeper was busy elsewhere. And I actually stole it from the shop. After I left the place, I was so shocked with my own behaviour, but my friend was very cool about it. She said that everyone does this kind of stuff at some point in their life," remembers the teenager.

Raymond Pereira (name changed), a 13-year-old boy residing in Panaji, was pressurized into taking up smoking, he says. "When your friends challenge you to take up an ill habit and portray it as the in thing, it's a moment when all your family values rotate in your head. Learning to say no at the right time is the most important thing."

"Peer group means 'age mix'; it is a stage when children try declining their parents and start developing a liking for their peers. This usually happens because of physiological changes that the child is dealing with. They increasingly feel the need to be accepted in the peer circle," says Panaji-based psychologist, Siddha Poojari.

Teresa Fernandes, a homemaker from Mapusa and a mother of a 13-year-old, says, "Peer pressure is very common during the early teenage years. Children begin demanding for different things to come into the same perceived comfort level as their peers. If the child isn't given what they want, they can become arrogant and violent, until they get what they demand."

Parents should build an understanding with their child through communication and constant monitoring, advices Poojari. "By inculcating the right set of values, parents can ensure that the child is wise in selecting his or her friends," she says.

Sera D'souza, a housewife from Calangute, feels, "My 13-year-old son is a huge fan of Ranbir Kapoor for the only reason that he charms a lot of girls very easily. And one day he wants to grow up to become a hunk like him. Choosing a role model and following one isn't bad, but selecting a good one is the task. The behaviors of role models also have a great impact on children," says D'Souza.

While there are peers who have a negative influence on the child, there are also a few youngsters who act as a positive influence on their friends.

For Samiksha Narvekar, a 15-year-old student of Class X of Vidyaniketan High School, Calangute, a role model need not be someone rich and famous.

"I know there are a large number of kids who consider filmstars or sportspersons as their role model, but for me my role model is my friend Priti Korgaoankar. She loves reading books a lot and also enjoys helping her friends. Being in good company of friends often makes you a good person. I have learnt a lot of things from her. Thanks to her, now reading is my passion as well," she says.

Hopes & Aspirations

Roshelle D'Silva, 16, Class X student of St. Francis Xavier's High School, Mapusa says, "I really aspire to be like Kalpana Chawla because no matter what, she has always strived to get what she's wanted in life. Her dream was to go to space and she worked hard to fulfill it. I want to be such a person who has such determination, courage and strength, to be able to fight for what I want. I really look up to her."

Sigmund D'Souza, 13, Class VIII student of Holy Family School, Porvorim, says, "My role model is Yuvraj Singh as he plays very well and his story is very inspiring too. Whenever I play cricket, I imagine myself to be him. I do have long term plans of making cricket as my career. And I'm working really hard to achieve it."

While there are many who aspire to become like famous personalities, there are few who consider their parents as their role models. Aqsa Shaikh, 14, Class IX student, says, "My desire is to become someone as great as my mother. She's like the backbone of the house. She always supports us in whatever we want to take up in life."

"I want to join the Indian army. I am currently part of NCC in school and I wish to pursue this line," says Sidharth Virginkar, who studies in Loyola High School, Margao. Sidharth's brother's friend was part of the Republic Day parade in New Delhi, who later joined the army and is the teenager's inspiration.

"I want to be a scientist like the former president of India A P J Abdul Kalam and reading his book is what made me respect him more than ever before. After the book, I researched a lot about his life. He maintained a website when he was the president and I even wrote to him. Through his reply to me, he made me believe that we can be anyone we want to be," says Navelim-resident Karen Fernandes, who is a Class XII student of science at Carmel College, Nuvem.